Sailor Helga SGR - Chapter 5

Note:

For the sake of clarity, whenever a character is in their transformed state, their name will be given in italics.

For example:

Helga G. Pataki = Helga

Sailor Moon = Helga

Helga waited patiently at the corner of the block, behind a building. She looked down at her palms, sighed and waited. Waited until...

"Oof!" Arnold bumped square into Helga as he turned the corner, falling right to the ground.

"Watch where you're going, football-head!" scolded Helga, angrily. Arnold dusted himself off, annoyed.

"Sorry," he said as he got up and continued on his way. Helga decided to follow him.

"So, where are you off to?"

"I just had to pick up something for Grandma and Grandpa," replied Arnold guardedly.

"Oh, so I guess you're the errand boy for today," Helga mused. "What an exciting life you live, football-head..."

"Is there something you wanted from me, Helga?" Arnold asked.

"Nah, I just wanted to bug you for a bit," she teased. "It's a free country, isn't it? I should be able to harass anyone I please,"

"Yeah, I guess," Arnold muttered, dejectedly. "I just don't know why it always has to be me..."

"Because you...are such an easy target," as she said this, Helga had taken Arnold into a headlock and gave him a noogie. "Anyway, I gotta run. Have fun with your errands."

And just as soon as she had appeared, Helga ran off. Arnold looked on, perplexed, then shrugged his shoulders and continued to walk; he was unaware that Helga had literally snatched the hat off his head.

Helga waited until she was safely out of the view of prying eyes before taking Arnold's hat to her nose, inhaling deeply, and then letting out a shuddering sigh of contentment.

"What are you doing, Miss Helga?" Helga almost leapt out of her skin when she heard the voice, belonging to Diana.

"Geez! You're worse than Luna with that!" snapped an alarmed Helga, her heart pumping a thousand miles per hour. "Where did you come from anyway?"

"Why did you steal that boy's hat? That wasn't very nice, Miss Helga..."

"So what? I'll give it back to him before he figures it out. I always do."

"Ooh...I see! You must have a secret crush on him, is that it?"

Helga rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I guess you could say something like that..."

"How romantic! And does he like you back?"

Helga looked up at the sky, still gripping Arnold's tiny blue hat between her fingers.

"Well?" pressed Diana.

Helga snapped out her trance and gave the cat a sour look. "Hey, why do you always have to ask so many stupid questions?" she walked off, towards the boarding house, where she would hand off the hat to one of Arnold's grandparents, but make them swear not to tell that she was the one who returned it.

The scouts had their first official meeting the next day, at Patty's house. They had gathered themselves in a circle, with Diana sitting in the middle as the unofficial mediator.

Diana cleared her throat and began: "As you all know, a mysterious force has been terrorizing this city. Allegedly, it has been transforming unsuspecting civilians into ferocious creatures. Correct?"

The scouts nodded in agreement.

Diana continued: "As you also are aware, we are on a mission to recover an important artifact from my time period in the 30th Century: the Imperium Silver Crystal. It is most imperative that we retrieve the artifact as soon as possible, or cause irreparable damage to the present timeline."

"Is there a point to this little recap?" asked Helga unenthusiastically.

"Helga, shush!" reprimanded Phoebe. Helga stuck out her tongue in retaliation.

"Actually, I was just leading up to my point. During our last battle with the evil forces, I caught a glimpse of the catalyst responsible for these recent attacks."

"And?" said Rhonda.

"Well..." Diana hesitated slightly, unsure of how to go on. "I felt an unmistakable aura emanating from the object before it disappeared."

Helga raised her eyebrow. "Meaning...?"

Diana bowed her head. "Meaning...I suspect the evil we are fighting, and the object we are searching for...they're not mutually exclusive. They are one in the same."

The room went silent for a moment as everyone pondered that possibility. Finally Patty spoke up. "Diana...what does that mean?"

"I'm not sure," admitted Diana. "This is the last thing I ever would have expected. Something must have happened to the Crystal to corrupt its power. Only...I can't remember an instance when that would have occurred. Something bad must have taken place in the future to cause this change..."

"So, does this development alter the course of our mission?" asked Phoebe.

Diana shook her head. "Not dramatically, though it is something to consider. Above all else, we must get the Crystal back. Then later, we can concern ourselves with why it has become a dark source of power."

Rhonda sighed dramatically. "This is all very interesting, Di, but I propose we move on to discuss another pressing matter."

Diana blinked, intrigued. "Yes, Miss Rhonda?"

Rhonda stood with a sense of grandeur and purpose. "Well, I got this info offhand from Mary in homeroom, but she's pretty reliable...MOST of the time. Anyway...there's a rumor going around that Arnold and Lila are an item again...!

Diana was perplexed. "I'm sorry, Miss Rhonda, but what does that have to do with...?"

"WHAT?" Helga stood up in incensed rage. Everyone else turned to look at Helga, who sheepishly sat back down. "I-I mean...it's probably just a dumb rumour. Besides, didn't the football-head and Miss Perfect try that in the 4th grade and it didn't work out? They're just friends!"

"Maybe...but lately I've seen the two of them hanging out A LOT. I think there's something going on...anyway, why are you so concerned? It's not like you like Arnold or anything..."

Patty coughed and Phoebe bit her lip, but neither said anything, avoiding Helga's gaze.

Helga turned bright red. "I'm not concerned, I just...Idontknowhatthebigcommotionisllabout...!"

Rhonda stared intently at Helga for several seconds, then her face lit up. "You DO like Arnold." She said this more as a fact than as a question.

"What? NO!" Helga denied vehemently, her cheeks growing redder with every passing second.

"Oh dear," sighed Diana, realizing that the meeting had just lost its focus.

"Oh my gosh – I can't believe I hadn't caught on sooner..." mused Rhonda, as if she was having an epiphany. "You're always bugging Arnold...you claim that you hate him, and yet you've always hung around him...oh my gosh! Helga!"

"No! Shut up, Princess! Or I'll pound you into the ground!" But Helga's threats fell on deaf ears as Rhonda started to giggle uncontrollably.

"So tell me, Helga – does Arnold know?"

"I DON'T HAVE A CRUSH ON ARNOLD!"

"Sure, sure you don't!"

Helga growled in frustration and began to chase Rhonda around the room, while the others sat silently.

"Um...meeting adjourned," stated Diana.

The bell had just rung as Helga and Phoebe entered the classroom. Helga gasped in horror as she spotted Rhonda hovering around Arnold, who was seated at his own desk.

"Crap...!" muttered Helga under her breath.

"So tell me, Arnold," Rhonda began coyly. "What do you think of Helga?"

"What do I think of her?" repeated Arnold, confused. He shuffled and tapped a pile of papers on his desk as he spoke. "She's okay, I guess...she gets on my nerves sometimes..."

"Uh-huh...but what do you REALLY think of her?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I just thought you'd be interested to know that Helga G. Pataki-"

Rhonda was pushed aside as Helga took her place and had thrust a menacing finger in Arnold's face. "...that I'd rather be dragged by my hair tied to a pack of rabid mongooses than be partners with you for the civics project!"

"Whatever you say, Helga," replied Arnold, actually sounding a bit bored with the predictable nature of her threats.

"Take your seats, please," said Mr. Frank, the 6th grade teacher. "I'm going to assign you all partners for the project."

"Assign? Lame!" complained Sid. "Can't we just pick who we want to work with?"

"Yeah," added Gerald. "That's so unfair!"

"Unfair? Welcome to my life." The class groaned as the teacher shook around a bucket containing slips of paper with the students' names. "Arnold, you're first."

Arnold sighed, but stood up and walked to the front of the class to pull a name out of the bucket. Meanwhile, despite her earlier protests, Helga had her fingers secretly crossed in her lap.

"Please, please, please...!" she begged in her head.

Arnold retrieved a single slip, looked at the name, and frowned. "Great. I got Helga."

Some of the boys in the class jeered at Arnold's poor luck, but inside Helga was doing cartwheels. She had to temper her excitement with a very vocal scoff, however, lest Rhonda was attempting to gauge her reaction.

"So what's the plan for tonight?" asked Helga of her best friend as they made their way home.

"Well," said Phoebe. I'd really like to get started on the project. I also still need to study for our test tomorrow and..."

Phoebe was abruptly cut short as Helga grasped onto her arm. "Helga? What is it?"

Helga said nothing, instead stood and stared in horror; across the street from where they were walking, Lila had accompanied Arnold inside the boarding house.

"Helga, please don't jump to conclusions...!" pleaded Phoebe, but Helga had already left her friend's side and was walking towards Sunset Arms.

"Rumour, my foot," she muttered. "I'm getting to the bottom of this right now..."

"Thanks ever so much for inviting me over, Arnold," said Lila, as she took a seat on the loveseat in the living room.

"Oh, no problem," said Arnold. "It's the least I could do to help. Hang on, I'll get us something to drink." Arnold disappeared into the kitchen.

As Lila sat quietly on the loveseat, there was a knock at the door. "Grandpa must be back from his errands!" yelled Arnold from the other room. Could you let him in, please?"

Lila stood up and went to the door. She looked through the peephole, and her eyes widened in surprise. "Uh, Arnold...?"

Suddenly the door flew open as Helga let herself in. At that same moment, Arnold had exited the kitchen with a Yahoo! Soda in each hand...and promptly dropping both when he caught sight of his uninvited guest. "Helga?"

"Hey, football-head – how's it hanging?" Helga nodded to Lila as she made her way to the living room and plopped herself on the loveseat. "Just thought we should get a headstart on the project, you know?"

Arnold looked downward; a puddle of Yahoo! Soda was quickly spreading across the floor. "Uh...I'll be right back..."

"Could you bring some chips while you're at it? I'm starving!" Helga reclined on the entire length of the loveseat as Arnold went in search of a mop. Lila sat on one of the arms of the loveseat.

"Um...how are you, Helga?" asked Lila.

"Oh, I'm fine – just peachy...but what about you?" asked Helga, who sat up to look at the timid redhead. "Didn't expect to see you here...so are you and the football-head...ya know...?"

Lila became flustered, avoiding Helga's gaze. "I can assure you that we're not..."

"Is that so? See, I'm just trying to understand why the two of you have been hanging out so much lately...care to share that?" Helga's question had taken on a bit of an aggressive twinge that caught Lila's attention.

"I...I'm ever so certain that that's none of your business," Lila said defensively.

"Look, something's going on between you two, I know it!" accused Helga.

At this point Abner had appeared and began to lick the chocolate soda off the floor. Arnold re-appeared with the mop. "Shoo, Abner shoo!" he said, and his pet pig scurried away. Arnold then noticed that Lila was walking towards the front door. "Hey, what's going on?"

"I'm sorry, Arnold – something's come up and I must be going. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Lila left; Arnold put an accusing glare on Helga, who was still on the loveseat.

"All right Helga, what did you do?"

"Hey, I didn't do anything!"

"Oh, come off it – we both know you've never liked Lila."

And it was true. Ever since the unfortunate incident in the 4th grade when Helga had left the writing on the wall that "Arnold Loves Lila", there had been an unspoken distrust that Helga held for her. Even when she vehemently denied ever liking Arnold, Helga was always fearful that one day Lila would have a change of heart and she would lose her chance of being with Arnold.

"Why do you always have to butt into things?" snapped Arnold. "Why can't you just...leave me alone?"

Helga's heart sank; to that, Helga had no witty retort, no comeback. Rather, she simply stood up and walked toward the exit.

Immediately, Arnold felt guilty for his outburst. "Helga, wait...!"

"Go take a hike, football-face," Helga said resentfully as she made her way to the front door. However, when she opened it, she nearly bumped into Arnold's Grandpa Phil, whose arms were filled to the brim with paper bags.

"Whoo! It was swamped at the grocery store today, Shortman!" exclaimed Grandpa. "You shoulda seen the price on the saltwater taffy – I practically cleaned out their whole supply!"

"Here, let me give you a hand with that, Grandpa," offered Arnold. Helga stood aside at the doorway as Arnold took some of the bags out of Grandpa's hands. When he got a closer look at the contents of each bag, he frowned. "Uh, Grandpa...what exactly did you buy at the grocery store?"

"Oh, just some donuts, a cherry pie, some bubble gum ice cream, a case of rootbeer, a box of chocolates, some saltwater taffy, a bag of licorice, and these hilarious X-ray specs from the checkout aisle!" He put on a pair of ridiculous looking glasses with red and white swirls for the lenses, then laughed.

Arnold sighed. "Grandpa, I thought you were picking up essentials. Did you even bother to read the list?"

"Aw, lighten up, Shortman!" Grandpa walked over to the couch and sat down, then threw his grandson a can. "Here, have a root beer!"

He then noticed Helga standing uncomfortably near the door. "Who's your little friend? She staying for supper?"

"Actually I was just about to get going..." said Helga.

"Not so fast!" Everyone looked up, towards the steps leading to the second floor of the boarding house. Arnold's Grandma came down, sliding on the banister, then leapt off just a few feet in front of Helga. "I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm Mary, Queen of Scots. And you are...?"

"Uh...Helga. Helga Pataki," she replied, as the elderly woman shook her hand furiously.

"Helen of Troy, is it? Why, what a pleasant surprise!"

Grandpa placed a hand to his face. "Oh, Pookie..."

"You simply must join us for dinner!" insisted Grandma.

As Helga tried to talk herself out of an awkward situation, Arnold felt something nudge him on the leg. He looked down to see Abner at his feet, a ball in his mouth. He set the ball down and looked up at Arnold imploringly.

Arnold shook his head. "Not now, boy," he said. Disappointed, Abner trotted away into the kitchen, towards the backyard.

At that very moment, a couple of the boarders descended down the stairs, engrossed in a heated debate.

"...and I'm telling you, Kokoshka, that a pound of feathers does NOT weigh more than a pound of lead!" yelled Ernie.

"But what if the feathers came from a really fat bird?" asked Oskar Kokoshka. "Or perhaps an ostrich?"

"Oy..." remarked Ernie, slapping his hand to his forehead. He then caught sight of Helga conversing with Grandma, and his demeanor changed to that of a sly grin. "Hey, hey – will you get a load of that? Looks like Arnold's got himself a little girlfriend!"

"What? With Helga?" retorted Arnold, but he failed to convince the short boarder.

At last, Helga pried her hand away from Grandma's grip. "It was nice meeting you. And I appreciate the invitation to stay, but I really should be going."

Helga made her way to the front door once again, but this time when she opened it, Mr. Hynnh was standing on the outside, nearly startling her. He grinned broadly at Helga.

"Oh, hello!" said Mr. Hynnh. "You must be one of Arnold's little friends. Pleased to meet you!"

"Way to go, Arnold!" exclaimed Ernie, wrapping an arm around the boy's shoulder. "I always knew you had it in you!"

"What a man you've become, Arnold," added Mr. Kokoshka, standing on Arnold's other side. "Twelve years old, and already you have the girls chasing you. You are a real Casanova!"

"So, uh, Arnold," began Ernie as he stood next to him. "How long have you two been going out?"

Arnold was beyond embarrassed. "What? You've got it all wrong..."

Just before the situation in the living room could get anymore out of control, a loud, high-pitched scream had reverberated throughout the boarding house, getting everyone's attention. Immediately the group cut through the kitchen and made their way to the open door leading to the backyard. Outside, it became apparent that the scream had come from Suzie Kokoshka, who was trembling with fear while clutching a red bedsheet.

"Suzie baby, what's wrong?" asked Mr. Kokoshka.

Suzie Kokoshka pointed a terrified finger at something in the middle of the yard. It was then that Helga's stomach churned.

There stood Abner, who looked like he was in pain, digging his hooves into the earth. Several feet from him, laying on the ground, was the crystal black lamp.

"Oh no..." said Helga.

Abner let out a final squeal before the ground underneath him gave way, and its little body contorted, mutating into some bizarre humanoid pig creature, almost like a were-boar.

"Criminy...not here..." muttered Helga under her breath. "All right – Moon Prism-!"

"Mama Leone, wouldja look at that!" Grandpa was behind Helga and pointing at the transformed Abner. Helga turned and looked to see even more boarders watching the spectacle from their windows.

Helga cursed under her breath; there was no way she could transform with all these witnesses! She struggled to think of a backup plan when...

"Abner!" Concern overtook Arnold's face as he saw his former pet struggling with its new grotesque form. He made a move towards the pig-monster, but the boarders held him back."

"No, Arnold, don't do it!" cried Oskar.

"Don't be a hero, kid!" warned Ernie.

"Abner's my best friend – he needs me," insisted Arnold, and he ignored their protests as he continued towards the creature.

"Arnold..." pleaded Helga.

Mr. Hynnh covered his face with his sweater. "It's so very creepy!"

Arnold approached the pig-monster, which didn't move but trained its eyes solely on its target. When Arnold was just a few inches away, he held out his hand for the creature's head; the pig-monster vehemently resisted, and growled menacingly at his owner, forcing Arnold to step back. He turned to look at Suzie, who was still standing in the same spot, still clutching the bedsheet. Suddenly he had an idea.

"Mrs. Kokoshka, mind if I borrow this?" Arnold waved the large, red cloth in front of the monster, which snorted and attacked not unlike a bull. The monster charged past the Arnold, circled the yard and charged again.

This time the Arnold grabbed Abner by the tusks and held his ground to slow the beast. The two stared down each other until finally Abner knelt to the ground and snorted complacently.

"It's okay, boy...it's okay..." reassured Arnold.

Arnold petted the beast, resting his cheek on its massive snout. In an instant, the monster began to glow, and when it re-materialized, it had changed back into the harmless pig.

Arnold took the red cloth and wrapped it around Abner, bundling him up like a newborn baby, as the boarders and his grandparents clamoured around him excitedly.

Helga did not stay to congratulate his efforts; she left promptly amidst the commotion.

It was late afternoon. Helga stood at the bridge overlooking the water. She was deep in thought, and staring at her reflection in the river. She sighed; if ever she needed proof that Arnold was indeed her "masked savior", then today's events more that confirmed it. The main question now was: How? Why?

Helga pulled out her locket and stared at her beloved's face longingly. "Oh, my love...we're on the same side, fighting to right the same wrongs. Why must you insist on going it alone? How I long to fight beside you...why won't you reveal your secret to me...?"

"I knew it..."

Helga gulped; someone had heard her soliloquy. How could she be so careless! Very slowly, she turned her head to face her mystery audience, and was horrified to see the person standing behind her was none other than Rhonda.

But rather than wearing her usual smirk of smug satisfaction, she actually looked a bit pensive. Helga wasn't sure what to make of her expression, so she continued to look out at the water. After a few seconds, she saw Rhonda's head added to the reflection; she had taken the spot beside her on the bridge.

"So," Helga said flatly. "The cat's finally out of the bag. Bet you can't wait to tell everyone that Helga G. Pataki has a soft spot for the football-head."

Rhonda shook her head. "I'm not going to tell anyone, Helga."

This caught Helga off-guard. She looked at Rhonda in genuine surprise, but her eyes were fixed on the fast-moving current of the river. Helga's expression then changed from that of shock to creeping suspicion. "What's your angle?"

Rhonda briefly chuckled. "There is no angle. I just feel there are some things that are better left undisturbed. Plus...I know you. I blab and you'd never let me wear designer label clothing to school again."

Helga smiled. "Smart move, princess."

They stood in silence for a few minutes before Rhonda finally spoke again. "So...you think Arnold's the masked guy that's been following us around?"

"It has to be. I mean...it's seems pretty obvious...right...?"

"Well, I don't know. I mean, I've never really seen him up close..."

"You tell me how many other football-headed lotharios exist in this city."

"Okay, okay...you've made your point. But assuming he is who we think he is...why wouldn't he just TELL us? What's the big secret?"

Helga turned around so that her back was against the railing, her body facing the bridge. She looked up at the early evening sky, a melange of orange, purples and reds, and gritted her teeth.

"I don't know," she said simply, quietly clenching her fists in determination. "But I intend to find out."